What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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