My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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