lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
