This girl is more easily done than said...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
