Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
No subtext here. People are naked.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
