i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
