I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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