Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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