just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
