My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Randomize
