it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
