Kiss
Puke
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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