I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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