Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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