I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
