My room smells like vodka and shame
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
