my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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