I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
