My sheets look like a crime scene.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
