walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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