I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
