You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
