Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
