Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
