is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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