I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.