Pants 0. Shit 1.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
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I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
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i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.