i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
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I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
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Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from