It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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