i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd