I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
