You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
