i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
