dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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