hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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