Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
