is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Welp...herpes.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
