i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
