Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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