Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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