I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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