I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dignity is for republicans.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
