And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
wakey wakey hands off snakey
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
