Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
