i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
