32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
