I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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