I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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