and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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