well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
