is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
