Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
