Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
