You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
