I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
