Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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