I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
