should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
