her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
soo... how was my night?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
