forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
