It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
