Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
