I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
