Cold hands, warm shart.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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