just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
