Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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