Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
