evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
