Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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