i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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