if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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