Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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