Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
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