Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
