Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
