does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
