dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
And my parents said I crawled through the house
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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