Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
