Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
