I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
