im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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