dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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