where am i from again
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
