If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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